Dissent

Saturday has always been my favourite day of the week, not that I get to do anything interesting, well most of it is spent in my bed either reading novels or watching series.This particular day I get a call from a friend asking if we’d meet up for lunch and catch up, well I didn’t want to but the thought of going out rather than being cooped up in my house sounded appealing besides I’d be back in my place before nightfall so I thought why not. So there I was all dressed up and when I met her I was glad I went, she was with a friend, so we got in the car and started our way,at first I was sceptical about her friend but she reassured me that he was cool and that we were safe with him. So that’s what encouraged me to drink the wine she offered,I was careful not to over indulge  on the whiskey she also offered because I knew I was a light weight and I wasn’t really a fun of alcohol either way. I definitely  didn’t picture my Saturday like this. Time really went by fast and so did my sobriety, I remember feeling so drunk I could barely understand what was going on, the last thing I remember was waking up, his friend holding me as I throwed up all the contents in my stomach, I really felt weak and tired all I wanted was to sleep, we walked up the stairs as he held on to me. I could barely comprehend where we were and I remember asking him where were, or if we were already back to my place but all he told me was ” I got you”…Oh I wish those words were true, getting to the unfamiliar room I concluded that we were in some hotel room. I stumbled ready to sleep but he told me I needed to shower since I had  ruined my clothes … reluctantly I began stripping and ready to shower.I really wish I had ignored him and went to bed, I wish my Saturday night had been of me curled up in my bed with my book lost in deep. And one Week later I can’t believe what happened to me that fateful night .As I let the warm water cleanse and soothe me, I couldn’t help the tears from falling I just couldn’t get his face out of my mind…that malicious smile as he held me captive and moved his lips across my neck I could still feel his hands on my body poisoning every inch of me exploring the untouched. I just wanted all of it gone… I felt as if someone was crushing my heart tearing every single tendon.. Trampling it over and over again.Closing my eyes all I could see was his face hovering above me grinning as I pleaded and begged, my tears not even deterring him. I wished he’d knock me out then maybe I wouldn’t have to feel the trauma,then I’d wake up when it was all over but No he didn’t grant me my wish, he made it clear he held the power,and in that moment I wished I was curled up in my bed, safe. All I felt was shame and fear,but I didn’t even know what I was ashamed of.How could someone poison me in this way, and smile the next day as if the night never happened, how could he still  walk with such a confident gait as if he didn’t violate me, leaving me powerless and tainted. I could never understand. All I wanted was someone to hold me and tell me it wasn’t my fault but who?

All I could say was

DEMURe ft Brazen Burning cactus heart

7 Responses

  1. My doctor lecturer Dr Gontier tells me that such morons that prey on “dishes” not served to them, not consented; should have their juice squeezed out forever so that they prey no more on innocent souls. Taking advantage of someone else’s incapacitation in the moment is alien, philistine and barbaric!!! Lord have mercy!!! An emotional piece it is!!!

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